Mercy Franklin Center
1818 48th St.
Des Moines, IA 5031
June 8, 2010.
I got there around 9:00 AM to talk about how they can get me “help”. My parents didn't know what else to do with me and that was the reason why I was brought there.
I told the nurse I had suicidal thoughts, they asked if it was okay to put me in the mental health unit. I agreed only out of curiosity and anger. I signed. I didn't want anything to do with my parents.
I got my own room, along wit a camera in the corner, and was given a tour of the place. After that, I went through with a “body check”. It was to see if I had any strange markings on my body. I had only one marking on my body and that was from myself.
The thing that bothered me, and still does, was that three different nurses each told me I could keep my undergarments on. They lied. I had to take everything off. Nurses are supposed to tell you the truth aren't they? Guess the rules changed.
One thing I'd like to add that bothered me was that during the body check they asked if I had any strange markings on my feet. I have a dry skin problem on my ankles, so they were looking at that. I said “no”, yet my voice wavered. I was scared. They got suspicious and checked it anyway.
I then got some food, went to a session, and pissed in a cup. Cleanliness is a hospital's priority but I don't think they clean the measuring cups they use for the urine sample because once that cup touched my body I began to feel nauseated and I even had a strange burning sensation down “there”.
There's about three or four group sessions a day. They deal on values of oneself, anger management, coping skills, and many other things to make our lives “better”. The nurses didn't really try to listen to what I had to say, but what the parents had to say when I was dumped off in that place the first day. It's sickening and cruel to never listen to both sides of the problem. It's not always the “kids” fault, you know.
You only get to shower in the morning but the use of a mirror is gone. They don't want us chipping off the corners and cutting ourselves, but how can anyone feel better about themselves if they can't even see?
Eventually you get to talk to a doctor and then your parents are next. It went well and I was soon discharged on June 11th.
A “solution” was made. The doctor told my parents that I can only write for thirty minutes a day and that I had to ask for permission to write, but that only lasted a week.
The next week after my discharge I had to be an out-patient for four days and then I was done.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
Chapter 12: Halloween
October 30th, 2009.
Beggars Night. A great time for kids to go out and gather treats from their neighbors. A perfect night to dress in spooky costumes and horrific masks. It was also a great night for tricks.
It was very cold out, and I was headed for a friend's Halloween party. I was dressed in my black fishnets, black dress, and coat and was having a good time. That was until a group of vampire astral projections came into the picture.
They loved little tricks and enjoyed watching me squirm whenever they touched me. I actually could feel whatever they did to me, and it was torture.
After a while it got even more serious when they started to inject things into my body. Using needles and syringes, they injected all kinds of drugs. The scary thing was that I actually became rather sickly and pale (not the good pale either). It was actually taking a huge effect to my system, almost like I was on those drugs myself. (I don't take drugs either)
The party eventually came to a close, stopped at a friend's house afterwards, and I then went home. I quickly got changed and hurried to bed. I was exhausted and I had to deal with the people who were still putting things into my body. They eventually stopped.
At about 11:00 PM, I closed my eyes for a second and saw a pair of red eyes staring right at me. I was so frightened that I began to cry. After a while, my body began to heat up. More and more it did until the point where I really thought I was burning from within. I looked down at my arms to see orange little lights underneath my skin, glowing like little flames.
I closed my eyes, but instead of seeing red eyes, I saw yellow-orange ones in their place. They looked angry, and the pupils were slit. A snake. She was back.
I began to jerk from the inside, and they were violent. I tried my best to keep still.
My mind slipped out and I found myself falling down a dark tunnel. When I reached the bottom it opened up like a cavern.
She was down there, so I had to fight her off as she attacked. I tried all I could think of. Filling her with white light? Couldn't. Too fast.
A voice entered my head and told me to keep my eyes shut or it would get out. He said he was God, but who knows. I trusted this person no less, and did as I was told.
I fought on.
She used other things on me. Demons and snakes were thrown at me but I pierced them with white light. I eventually striked her, and she weakened a little, only to come back even stronger.
Other beings came and helped my projection fend off the minor beings while I dealt with Xenon (or Zenon).
I tried the same attack on her, only difference was that I pierced her with it as well. That seemed to work just great.
I took the advantage to dissect her brain and sort out certain things (can't remember what). She shriveled into this ugly little baby, which I think might've been male and was drained of all strength.
Some angels came down and told me they would take care of the rest and took him away.
Halloween soon came and gone, but I was too tired to have any fun on my favorite holiday.
Beggars Night. A great time for kids to go out and gather treats from their neighbors. A perfect night to dress in spooky costumes and horrific masks. It was also a great night for tricks.
It was very cold out, and I was headed for a friend's Halloween party. I was dressed in my black fishnets, black dress, and coat and was having a good time. That was until a group of vampire astral projections came into the picture.
They loved little tricks and enjoyed watching me squirm whenever they touched me. I actually could feel whatever they did to me, and it was torture.
After a while it got even more serious when they started to inject things into my body. Using needles and syringes, they injected all kinds of drugs. The scary thing was that I actually became rather sickly and pale (not the good pale either). It was actually taking a huge effect to my system, almost like I was on those drugs myself. (I don't take drugs either)
The party eventually came to a close, stopped at a friend's house afterwards, and I then went home. I quickly got changed and hurried to bed. I was exhausted and I had to deal with the people who were still putting things into my body. They eventually stopped.
At about 11:00 PM, I closed my eyes for a second and saw a pair of red eyes staring right at me. I was so frightened that I began to cry. After a while, my body began to heat up. More and more it did until the point where I really thought I was burning from within. I looked down at my arms to see orange little lights underneath my skin, glowing like little flames.
I closed my eyes, but instead of seeing red eyes, I saw yellow-orange ones in their place. They looked angry, and the pupils were slit. A snake. She was back.
I began to jerk from the inside, and they were violent. I tried my best to keep still.
My mind slipped out and I found myself falling down a dark tunnel. When I reached the bottom it opened up like a cavern.
She was down there, so I had to fight her off as she attacked. I tried all I could think of. Filling her with white light? Couldn't. Too fast.
A voice entered my head and told me to keep my eyes shut or it would get out. He said he was God, but who knows. I trusted this person no less, and did as I was told.
I fought on.
She used other things on me. Demons and snakes were thrown at me but I pierced them with white light. I eventually striked her, and she weakened a little, only to come back even stronger.
Other beings came and helped my projection fend off the minor beings while I dealt with Xenon (or Zenon).
I tried the same attack on her, only difference was that I pierced her with it as well. That seemed to work just great.
I took the advantage to dissect her brain and sort out certain things (can't remember what). She shriveled into this ugly little baby, which I think might've been male and was drained of all strength.
Some angels came down and told me they would take care of the rest and took him away.
Halloween soon came and gone, but I was too tired to have any fun on my favorite holiday.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Chapter 11: Possession
My fingers were the first to go. They began to twitch all by themselves. They even began to write strange things on whatever they could find. That was alright at first, but then it started to spread. My body being jerked from the inside to move elsewhere. Someone, or something, had taken possession of my body. Many things did I later found out.
One of them was nicer than most, but it turned out she was a snake with bright colored eyes. Evil. Her name was either Xenon or Zenon. I can't remember.
Then there was the attic demon. He was horrible to deal with. My arms always moved, even when I was barely conscious. Whenever I lied down, my arms would jerk and move until I my arms literally became the hands on a clock. He even started to quickly move my hands up to my throat and choke me for long periods of times.
Others came inside, making me twitch and squirm, more and more. But the thing is this. It still happens even today.
One of them was nicer than most, but it turned out she was a snake with bright colored eyes. Evil. Her name was either Xenon or Zenon. I can't remember.
Then there was the attic demon. He was horrible to deal with. My arms always moved, even when I was barely conscious. Whenever I lied down, my arms would jerk and move until I my arms literally became the hands on a clock. He even started to quickly move my hands up to my throat and choke me for long periods of times.
Others came inside, making me twitch and squirm, more and more. But the thing is this. It still happens even today.
Chapter 10: First Visions
For a little while after my first astral projection experience, I got these horrible visions of my family being murdered. I was always taken away after they were murdered to be raped by their killers. The visions looked so real that I began to look over my shoulder more than I used to.
I wanted to end these terrible visions so badly that I even astral projected to where they were. I also talked in their heads and they did the same to me. They were college guys, about four of them in total, and one of them named Erin was to be hazed by this John character. His assignment was to rape me, the rest seemed unclear to me.
I was scared to the point where I even cried in school, not because of me being raped but of my family being murdered.
I talked to Erin alone one day, the day I stayed home because it was all making me feel nauseated, and got him to back out of it. The rest of the group didn't want to back down though. They wanted to do it anyway.
I found out John was possessed by demons after a while of trying to scare them off. I told Erin to get the salt and get it down John's throat. I helped by slamming John down to the floor while Erin did the rest. It worked, and everything was settled.
Erin, John, and I became friends.
I wanted to end these terrible visions so badly that I even astral projected to where they were. I also talked in their heads and they did the same to me. They were college guys, about four of them in total, and one of them named Erin was to be hazed by this John character. His assignment was to rape me, the rest seemed unclear to me.
I was scared to the point where I even cried in school, not because of me being raped but of my family being murdered.
I talked to Erin alone one day, the day I stayed home because it was all making me feel nauseated, and got him to back out of it. The rest of the group didn't want to back down though. They wanted to do it anyway.
I found out John was possessed by demons after a while of trying to scare them off. I told Erin to get the salt and get it down John's throat. I helped by slamming John down to the floor while Erin did the rest. It worked, and everything was settled.
Erin, John, and I became friends.
Chapter 9: First Astral Projection
Astral projection is like out of body experiences (OBEs), near death experiences (NDEs), and possibly like lucid dreaming. All of theses are similar because of one thing: the transfer of you conscious awareness beyond the physical body.
Many people have had an out of body experience at some point in their lives. They can happen beyond your control or deliberately. Trauma can cause OBEs. Car accidents or surgery would be an example.
Lucid dreaming are conscious dreams. On the brink of sleep but not quite.
Many say that every night we all astral project when we sleep. After we under go sleep paralysis, out astral bodies separate from our bodies and enter the astral world. Dream world. This theory suggests that our dreams are real, something I do believe in .
Astral projection has been looked into for hundreds of years. It is possible to meet new people whom we've never even met before and maybe even your Spirit Guide. Spirit Guides can help you obtain and even possibly increase your psychic abilities.
The astral plane is the first thing you arrive on during astral projection. You may see other people or beings and possibly be able to use some means of communication between you and them. Telepathy. Hand signals. Eventually your sense will get better in sight and hopefully sound. The rest are up to chance. Usually the people you meet on the astral plane often have a specific reason for meeting you there at that point in time.
Astral projection can lead you to a better life if you so choose to use it wisely. Psychic abilities can be awakened, healing, meet new people, knowledge, and enter new worlds.
I went through an astral projection experience that lasted one week.
I found myself in a dark room looking at a bed from the side. Almost like I was sitting in front of a slider door. I was. Then a figure got up from the bed and said my name as if in question. I realized that it was William and that room that I was in was his. You have to take in consideration that he could see me for some odd reason. I couldn't see well, nor hear for that matter, but I could tell by certain vibes things gave off. Eventually my mind got stuck and I couldn't get back to my own head.
I met his family soon after, and they were all very nice. Except for his younger brother, Neal. Whenever he could, he tried getting me into his room. Even demons helped him attempt his goal.
I was always with William. Usually laying beside him in his bed, talking about things and sleeping.
One night, when I was with him lying down in his room, I saw this strange glowy white being with an extremely scary face. He was like a residual, going back and forth, and doing the exact same thing over and over. It scared the hell out of me, but I conquered that fear and hugged him. He then morphed in a nice looking white haired demon. I name him Hikari.
He didn't know any basic things, so he'd look off of what others did and I taught him some things. He learned speech pretty easily and even found out the difference between a boy and a girl. A day passed and knowledge was finally in his brain. He asked about if there were others like him, but I had no clue.
So, that's where Yume came in. She, and so was Hikari they say, was make out of sad energy. They both turned into something entirely beautiful if made out of sadness. She was another white haired demon. Her and Hikari both loved each other.
Anyway, soon after a demon, Henry's mother came in and started dragging me outside with spider- like stings. William had to keep a good hold on me.
I was also pierced by a very long spear that went through my stomach and out the backside of my back. Impaled, and I felt it. I was mentally bleeding everywhere.
I was conscious during all of this, and even went to school. There were things my real body experienced while all of this was occurring. It felt as if there were things moving about my stomach. They said they were Evils and I even got some saying they were Kitsune, or foxes. That was also painful, but I eventually got them out by heavily persuading them to leave.
Back inside the mind, me and William both then realized that we were being tricked yet again. The house and the family were not them at all. Impersonations. Illusions. All of them.
I, at that moment, told him I was going to astral project, or jump as I like to call it, to his family's real house in Louisiana.
I got to their kitchen, still bleeding, and met his mother, and soon after, his father. Her name was Margaret and his name was Tony. They were both very kind. So was his brother, Neal. He was like a silly kid.
His mother was frightened and thought I was some delusional ghost when she saw me. I ignored that fact and told her to call her son, but she said that William was already there. They had an impersonator as well.
She found out and called the real one. William told his mother to keep me safe while he got in his car and drove all the way back home.
During the stops he made from his driving, he astral projected to my side and held me close. I was so relieved when his real body showed up.
For the night and half the day I stayed, everything went well with the parents, but then Margaret suddenly proclaimed me as a demon once she found out I could destroy them. She tried countless times, and succeeded to violently throw me out of her home. I recall one semi-truck running over my head. Not a scratch, but I felt the pain.
By this time William and I had already fallen in love with each other, and that only pissed her off even more. Not to mention the fact that she was Catholic and had already labeled me as a demon.
He and his mother fought and it even got to the point where William walked out on his family. She wouldn't allow it, so she kept her attack focused on me. I talked to her alone once, to reason with her, and let her smack me. She so only eleven times in a row. She did not feel better afterwards like you'd think.
My real body was weak and so was my mind. I was defenseless and I really thought I was going to die that week.
Many people have had an out of body experience at some point in their lives. They can happen beyond your control or deliberately. Trauma can cause OBEs. Car accidents or surgery would be an example.
Lucid dreaming are conscious dreams. On the brink of sleep but not quite.
Many say that every night we all astral project when we sleep. After we under go sleep paralysis, out astral bodies separate from our bodies and enter the astral world. Dream world. This theory suggests that our dreams are real, something I do believe in .
Astral projection has been looked into for hundreds of years. It is possible to meet new people whom we've never even met before and maybe even your Spirit Guide. Spirit Guides can help you obtain and even possibly increase your psychic abilities.
The astral plane is the first thing you arrive on during astral projection. You may see other people or beings and possibly be able to use some means of communication between you and them. Telepathy. Hand signals. Eventually your sense will get better in sight and hopefully sound. The rest are up to chance. Usually the people you meet on the astral plane often have a specific reason for meeting you there at that point in time.
Astral projection can lead you to a better life if you so choose to use it wisely. Psychic abilities can be awakened, healing, meet new people, knowledge, and enter new worlds.
I went through an astral projection experience that lasted one week.
I found myself in a dark room looking at a bed from the side. Almost like I was sitting in front of a slider door. I was. Then a figure got up from the bed and said my name as if in question. I realized that it was William and that room that I was in was his. You have to take in consideration that he could see me for some odd reason. I couldn't see well, nor hear for that matter, but I could tell by certain vibes things gave off. Eventually my mind got stuck and I couldn't get back to my own head.
I met his family soon after, and they were all very nice. Except for his younger brother, Neal. Whenever he could, he tried getting me into his room. Even demons helped him attempt his goal.
I was always with William. Usually laying beside him in his bed, talking about things and sleeping.
One night, when I was with him lying down in his room, I saw this strange glowy white being with an extremely scary face. He was like a residual, going back and forth, and doing the exact same thing over and over. It scared the hell out of me, but I conquered that fear and hugged him. He then morphed in a nice looking white haired demon. I name him Hikari.
He didn't know any basic things, so he'd look off of what others did and I taught him some things. He learned speech pretty easily and even found out the difference between a boy and a girl. A day passed and knowledge was finally in his brain. He asked about if there were others like him, but I had no clue.
So, that's where Yume came in. She, and so was Hikari they say, was make out of sad energy. They both turned into something entirely beautiful if made out of sadness. She was another white haired demon. Her and Hikari both loved each other.
Anyway, soon after a demon, Henry's mother came in and started dragging me outside with spider- like stings. William had to keep a good hold on me.
I was also pierced by a very long spear that went through my stomach and out the backside of my back. Impaled, and I felt it. I was mentally bleeding everywhere.
I was conscious during all of this, and even went to school. There were things my real body experienced while all of this was occurring. It felt as if there were things moving about my stomach. They said they were Evils and I even got some saying they were Kitsune, or foxes. That was also painful, but I eventually got them out by heavily persuading them to leave.
Back inside the mind, me and William both then realized that we were being tricked yet again. The house and the family were not them at all. Impersonations. Illusions. All of them.
I, at that moment, told him I was going to astral project, or jump as I like to call it, to his family's real house in Louisiana.
I got to their kitchen, still bleeding, and met his mother, and soon after, his father. Her name was Margaret and his name was Tony. They were both very kind. So was his brother, Neal. He was like a silly kid.
His mother was frightened and thought I was some delusional ghost when she saw me. I ignored that fact and told her to call her son, but she said that William was already there. They had an impersonator as well.
She found out and called the real one. William told his mother to keep me safe while he got in his car and drove all the way back home.
During the stops he made from his driving, he astral projected to my side and held me close. I was so relieved when his real body showed up.
For the night and half the day I stayed, everything went well with the parents, but then Margaret suddenly proclaimed me as a demon once she found out I could destroy them. She tried countless times, and succeeded to violently throw me out of her home. I recall one semi-truck running over my head. Not a scratch, but I felt the pain.
By this time William and I had already fallen in love with each other, and that only pissed her off even more. Not to mention the fact that she was Catholic and had already labeled me as a demon.
He and his mother fought and it even got to the point where William walked out on his family. She wouldn't allow it, so she kept her attack focused on me. I talked to her alone once, to reason with her, and let her smack me. She so only eleven times in a row. She did not feel better afterwards like you'd think.
My real body was weak and so was my mind. I was defenseless and I really thought I was going to die that week.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Chapter 8: October
I met a kid named Joey in my mind either in the last days of September or the beginning of October. I was in my mom's van at the library, waiting to go home, when all of a sudden, a simple “hi” went through my head. He told me after a while that we both were similar in a way, and that I was one of the only girls that didn't snub him. Eventually an impersonator replaced him and continued talking in his place. I cried when I found out because it meant that I left him, and who knows what was happening to him. He wasn't mad at me when I finally found him and told him everything. He ended up telling me he loved me, but at the time he really didn't know what that meant, even though he was only one or two years older than me. We became great friends.
Demons began actually possessing my body. It was painful and scary to the point where I didn't care that they were touching my body. I managed to get them out by eating a ton of salt and imagining whit colored light (several other colors soon after) filtering throughout my being. I even managed to be able to destroy them. A very frightening feat.
Demons began actually possessing my body. It was painful and scary to the point where I didn't care that they were touching my body. I managed to get them out by eating a ton of salt and imagining whit colored light (several other colors soon after) filtering throughout my being. I even managed to be able to destroy them. A very frightening feat.
Chapter 7: September
In September, after so many lies were told to me and impersonations of others escaped to my mind, I tried to commit suicide. I went to my old elementary school's playground and began bashing my skull into metal poles. I heard some cracks and felt the pain, but it must've healed extremely fast because no bleeding occurred. I failed of course, but sometimes I wish I didn't.
For a friends 16th birthday, her and some of her close friends (including me) jumped into their van and headed out to Chicago. We stayed at her aunt's house and went into the city to go shopping. We went to this really neat Harry Potter exhibit.
The whole time on that trip I found out when I thought I was talking to William I wasn't. I couldn't find him, so I cried some more and slept. That was all I could do it seems.
I had a lot of fun of course. It was really nice. First time in Chicago too.
For a friends 16th birthday, her and some of her close friends (including me) jumped into their van and headed out to Chicago. We stayed at her aunt's house and went into the city to go shopping. We went to this really neat Harry Potter exhibit.
The whole time on that trip I found out when I thought I was talking to William I wasn't. I couldn't find him, so I cried some more and slept. That was all I could do it seems.
I had a lot of fun of course. It was really nice. First time in Chicago too.
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